Sit Deeper

I am being asked to sit deeper into myself. As always, I write to share and so that I will pay attention and remember.

I occasionally struggle with the wound of not being loved or wanted (expressing not asking for sympathy). I have been peeling away the many aspects and layers of this wound for years. It is a very primal wound.

When I am staring through the lens of this wound, the wound is what I see.

We, as spiritual people, healers, sensitives, path walkers,students, whatever we call ourselves, are not immune to what comes with our blood and bones. We have, by accepting this life, brought spark to join with the rainbow and experience of our human form.

I won’t get into detail, the detail is still mine and not released to story. A few days ago I was smack dab into trying to grab something that wasn’t mine. The person asserted her boundaries and invited me to take a step back and take a look at what was happening. That step back was necessary.

In the next days I was observing in real time particular ways that I try to fill the wound of not being loved or wanted. Even being in observer mode was not that comfortable but still oh so much better than victim/aggressor mode. I watched myself, felt the feelings, and waited to see what would happen. This was in earth walking mode not in liminal space. Two times over a few days, I watched and then it was like a miracle happened.

A little background here, my Human Design (Projector) includes waiting for the invitation.

I was in a class and someone came in who I had been thinking about but hadn’t seen in 2 years. I admire her and have been in class with her but we have never really interacted in person. After class I walked past her and greeted her with my eyes. She looked me in the face, and told me with her words and her being how much she valued me and invited me to come do something with her.

And the learning continues as more and more heart openings. Again, a private moment, details not ready to share, where at the end of a body moving and stretching yoga class I sat quietly in tears with a so-called unrelated heart opening that saw me sitting many extra minutes truly feeling the prayers and messages of my heart.

This is all to say, learning can come in many forms and sometimes, for me, there is a theme. My ease comes in the willingness to observe and feel, to recognize and move with, rather than against the “tide”, and asking for help when needed.

Much love to my community,

Laura

Image is from a painting labeled “Grace” by Cher Lyn author and now deceased creator of “Mystic Art Medicine, Oracle Cards &Tools for Transformation