Leaking

Yesterday was a “hard” day. The edges were blurring and I was leaking, feeling a lot of stimulus that I had no context or words for. I had two calls with two different small groups of council women.

It’s hard for me to be in public when I’m leaking.

So far, they haven’t thrown me away.

Would I throw a friend away?

At the end of the second call I couldn’t hold myself and I burst into tears. The time for the call was over but one of us asked about what I was feeling. All I could say was I wished that there was such a thing as grandmother who would hold me and make everything alright. She said that is what we can be for each other.

Will I throw myself away?

This morning the trees in the woods behind my house were expressing and I was still in a state of not knowing. I tried to listen and understand.

This murky period will pass and reality will continue to expand.