Do the Thing

When I look around myself and don’t see what I need, when I see so much but it doesn’t seem to be what I need, what do I do?

Right now I am preparing to scrub my bathtub.

Water is sometimes a welcome refuge, calmer, healer for me. I have a core memory that I have made into a sentence. I could swim before I could walk.

The last couple of weeks I have been feeling waves of anxiety, they come and go. There is plenty to grab onto to explain this but it doesn’t seem fair or right or deserved. I have done the tried and true. I have sat in the wave, deciphering away, put hands over heart, called a friend. I’ve breathed, I’ve breathed.

Every time I have thought of taking a bath I said to myself, the bathtub is not clean, so I haven’t.

Today I am cleaning the bathtub. It has come to that.

So my friends, I will live to shine another day but first I need to clean the bathtub. Do you understand what I am trying to say?

With love,

Laura