Way Back

Way back, way,way back, maybe in March, I started a small goal journey.
Who do I want to be when this current pandemic journey is concluded?
I had the feeling of wanting to be ready. (Cue, for laughter, ha, ha, concluded?)
Have you ever prepared for a journey? When I am planning a journey , I like to start my preparations in advance so that when the day comes to depart, there is gas in the car,I am packed, the house is straightened, the trash out, the animals are cared for, and I have had a good rest. This is not the sort of journey that I was preparing for but the metaphor holds.
As days have stretched to weeks and then months, the feeling of preparing has changed. The rhythm of my life, night and day, has taken on a rolling wave type pattern. Some days are brilliant,and others,not so much, but I know who I am. I have tools, and I have teachers and friends, who I can reach out to when I feel anxious or unworthy, or afraid.
I am also an elder, and a friend, who can be relied upon to reach into my reservoir to share brilliance.
This is the life I have chosen. I choose to see myself as clearly as I can, and to be a good friend to fellow travelers.

Today I had to go to my old neighborhood and a former neighbor (with a 12 foot outdoor distance) said, I just want it to go back to the way it was before. I had to honestly tell this 80 year old man that I do not!! Southern women, bless our hearts, we can tell the truth.
Even though there are times when I feel adrift and have no sense of bearings, there are also the times when the beauty says, yes, yes I am here.

I am welcoming the change on so many levels.