This is Not Pretend

This is not pretend.

I’ve been expressing to my friends what I am feeling as I have been opening to the feeling of the next year and it’s been a lot and I still have little understanding or words. I think in some way (100%}I am not allowing myself fully inside of it and the feeling of being swept into the chaos of the dismantling. Very scary.

…the different dimensions and the flickering back and forth between the chaos and what is in the process of being birthed.

Today I sit at the feet of the grandmother within and ask for council.

Grandmother, I am afraid, hold me for a minute. Show me once again what is being birthed and my place in it. Lure my eyes away from the nightmare and show me again what is being birthed.

Let me be, in my own way, a part of the mycelium that eats away at the rot and becomes the fertile ground for new growth. Let me marvel in the new growth, admire the new life, even if just for the moment forgetting my awful obsession with the horrors of individual life and death. Let me give my life to the new future as she enters me and let me/her shine bright.

Thank you Grandmother and may I continue to feel your presence and wisdom.